The Seventh Circuit's Really Full Of 'Em Today

And again, Easterbrook does us the honor:

Bronson Webster punched Leah Tourtillott in the face five times and, after she collapsed, kicked her in the face five times. The attack broke her nose and the bone around her right eye; it also caused lacerations that a physician concluded would leave prominent facial scars.

With a name like Bronson, I guess you have to kick the shit out of girls to prove to everyone that you don't have a fragile Y chromosome. The only defense to that sort of thing is to plead Shaggy right ("It wasn't me")? Nope. Bronson was a little pissed about his sentence:

Webster maintains that the offense level should have been 16 rather than 18. The range corresponding to an offense level of 16 would have been 46 to 57 months’ imprisonment. The two-level difference depends on the application of U.S.S.G. §2A2.2(b)(3), which prescribes seven offense levels for battery that produces “permanent or life-threatening bodily injury” but only five levels for an attack that causes “serious bodily injury”. According to Webster, Tourtillott’s injuries were “serious” but not “permanent or life-threatening”.

Your honor, when I kicked that girl in the face five times after she collapsed from my punches, I only caused serious injury, not permanent or life threatening injury. There should really be a sentencing enhancement for making arguments on appeal that demonstrate that you're a complete dickfor.