Friday
It's Rocktober, baby!
And at least for now, I can write that on my blog without fear of a trademark infringement action. The Rockies want to trademark 'Rocktober'. The Greatest Snow on Earth, anyone?
Thanks, oldest male member of my immediate family!
California has outlawed 'Mom', 'Dad', 'husband' and 'wife' from its public schools, because they're anti-gay. Pretty soon we're going to run out of words: Isn't the word 'rich' pretty denigrating to poor people? Perhaps Schwarzenegger (he seriously is the governor of Cali) thinks forcing young people to come up with roundabout ways to express simple concepts better prepares them for a career in politics or literature? I wonder what happens if they show Star Wars in a California school: Do they have to edit it to say 'Luke, I am the man who engaged in coitus with your mother causing your formation'?
Wednesday
Everybody's going crazzzzy
1. There's some strange guy who's been in the law school before who apparently is not dangerous. The three emails all law students have received, including a pdf picture attachment, insisting that we not talk to said man and report any sightings to the administration, are really convincing. I have to say, I kind of like the post-VATech world where administrations are rushing to give the students information, in direct contradiction of the time-honored tradition of not telling the students bupkiss.
2. Brides are totally psycho. Reason #34205 not to get married.
3. In a heated debate between China and the US over Dalai Lama recognition, the PR got a little sloppy: "We in no way want to stir the pot and make China feel that we are poking a stick in their eyes." Despite the awkward use of diction and metaphor, that's in fact a quote from the White House Press Secretary and not any foreign diplomats who would have an excuse for butchering English.
UPDATE: From the comments: "Re: #2, it's equally as much of a reason not to become a lawyer. Or ever talk to them." I would like to reiterate that Seriatim does not recommend conversing, talking, interacting, or otherwise dealing with anyone who could, should, may, might, or would be a lawyer, advocate, solicitor, barrister or counsel. Although it's not dangerous, you should call the police if you think you see one of these people around.
2. Brides are totally psycho. Reason #34205 not to get married.
3. In a heated debate between China and the US over Dalai Lama recognition, the PR got a little sloppy: "We in no way want to stir the pot and make China feel that we are poking a stick in their eyes." Despite the awkward use of diction and metaphor, that's in fact a quote from the White House Press Secretary and not any foreign diplomats who would have an excuse for butchering English.
UPDATE: From the comments: "Re: #2, it's equally as much of a reason not to become a lawyer. Or ever talk to them." I would like to reiterate that Seriatim does not recommend conversing, talking, interacting, or otherwise dealing with anyone who could, should, may, might, or would be a lawyer, advocate, solicitor, barrister or counsel. Although it's not dangerous, you should call the police if you think you see one of these people around.
Monday
Dieting at Hardee's
I'd recommend against it. So does CNN.com. Hardee's is putting out a breakfast burrito with 920 calories and 60 grams of fat, to go along with their 1100 calorie, 83 gram of fat chicken salad and 1420 calorie double thickburger.
JP couldn't care less, especially from a public policy point of view. I am a little concerned about how some of these nuts are arguing against Hardee's:
The Center for Science in the Public Interest, a Washington-based advocate for nutrition and health, has called the Hardee's line of Thickburgers "food porn."
Food porn? Trying to fathom what that actually means has taken my attention span from the first 10 minutes out of my final class of the afternoon. Let's suffice it to say that they're using the word porn in a negative context, which, outside the company of nuns or jilted-ex-pornstar-lovers (in which case you don't bring it up and just smile and nod), should never happen.
If you want to make a point about high-fat food, fine, waste your breath, but leave the nudie industry out of it. Or, at the absolute worst, combine the two in some clever manner to argue that Hardee's is giving us lower quality porn (use your imagination).
JP couldn't care less, especially from a public policy point of view. I am a little concerned about how some of these nuts are arguing against Hardee's:
The Center for Science in the Public Interest, a Washington-based advocate for nutrition and health, has called the Hardee's line of Thickburgers "food porn."
Food porn? Trying to fathom what that actually means has taken my attention span from the first 10 minutes out of my final class of the afternoon. Let's suffice it to say that they're using the word porn in a negative context, which, outside the company of nuns or jilted-ex-pornstar-lovers (in which case you don't bring it up and just smile and nod), should never happen.
If you want to make a point about high-fat food, fine, waste your breath, but leave the nudie industry out of it. Or, at the absolute worst, combine the two in some clever manner to argue that Hardee's is giving us lower quality porn (use your imagination).
New Adventures in Laseeland
As many of you know, Frank Lasee is no longer accepting comments from anyone. Notably, he isn't taking mine, or Dr. Nugz', any more either. Saddened, we sat around for a week or so figuring out how to communicate with our favorite mentally-handicapped Wisconsin representative.
Luckily, we've emerged from our mourning refreshed, like a Conservative when students are murdered at our universities, and started "You Lied from Bench!"
"You Lied from Bench" basically exemplifies why we all love Franky. While most mere mortals would be too stressed out to come up with something brilliant in between firing your divorce lawyer in open court and being held in contempt by the judge for insubordination, Frank was cool, calm and collected when push came to shove and expressed his dismay at the judge's lying shenanigans with remarkable clarity and brevity. Because this phrase really exemplifies the antifreeze in that man's blood, we've decided to escroq it as our new Frank Lasee strawman. Bon appetite!
Luckily, we've emerged from our mourning refreshed, like a Conservative when students are murdered at our universities, and started "You Lied from Bench!"
"You Lied from Bench" basically exemplifies why we all love Franky. While most mere mortals would be too stressed out to come up with something brilliant in between firing your divorce lawyer in open court and being held in contempt by the judge for insubordination, Frank was cool, calm and collected when push came to shove and expressed his dismay at the judge's lying shenanigans with remarkable clarity and brevity. Because this phrase really exemplifies the antifreeze in that man's blood, we've decided to escroq it as our new Frank Lasee strawman. Bon appetite!
ND Sucks!
Nice program guys. Who wants to sit on the bench for a one-win team when you can play for a decent one?
Mid-Semester Lull
It's that time of the semester again here at the JPSLS. You have your weekly poo-list of things to get done (extra bonus loser points for having a device costing more than a hat to carry these tidbits around), you've done it a few times, and now you're bored of it.
We all are. The novelty of the new year is gone, and the anxiety of finals is far enough off (read: they aren't tomorrow) to be able to put them outside of your head and treat classes as something you're merely morally obligated to sit through. What's the prof talking about? Who cares, I'll learn it for the final.
I think Dean Davis needs to take some initiative here. If we're going to pretend to be a mediocre law school, our administration needs to jump in in times like these and rescue us from our inevitable fate of total apathy with anything school-related.
I suggest a kegger. I'd suggest keggers, but for some reason that means more than one kegger instead of a kegger with more than one keg. It's Monday, and your students are suffering through the alcohol withdrawal that lasts until Thursday when we can drink our faces off again. If you really want to turn this ship (or even give some indication that there's someone behind the wheel), this is the time when the big sluggers come to bat. Maybe the student body would be willing to forgive some of your intense incompetance if you would provide us generally with more alcohol. It's worth a shot: Sitting on your lawrels hasn't been working very well.
We all are. The novelty of the new year is gone, and the anxiety of finals is far enough off (read: they aren't tomorrow) to be able to put them outside of your head and treat classes as something you're merely morally obligated to sit through. What's the prof talking about? Who cares, I'll learn it for the final.
I think Dean Davis needs to take some initiative here. If we're going to pretend to be a mediocre law school, our administration needs to jump in in times like these and rescue us from our inevitable fate of total apathy with anything school-related.
I suggest a kegger. I'd suggest keggers, but for some reason that means more than one kegger instead of a kegger with more than one keg. It's Monday, and your students are suffering through the alcohol withdrawal that lasts until Thursday when we can drink our faces off again. If you really want to turn this ship (or even give some indication that there's someone behind the wheel), this is the time when the big sluggers come to bat. Maybe the student body would be willing to forgive some of your intense incompetance if you would provide us generally with more alcohol. It's worth a shot: Sitting on your lawrels hasn't been working very well.
Commercial insanity
If you've been watching TV at all over the last month or so, you've probably seen the commercial for this pick-up truck. There's a road through a desert surrounded by big mountains (there's something inherently masculine about a topolist's version of large boobies) and for some reason they built two pendulums holding up I-Beams that swing lengthwise across the road, presumably to inflict a combination of impaling and crushing on any oncoming car.
Enter the truck of some brand I don't remember. It's towing a 19th century pullcart of sandbags, and occasionally the cameraman pans in to a close-up of the mighty beast's internal organs slaving at the whim of the driver. The pick-up approaches the two relatively-closely-placed I-Beam pendulums. It races in past the first falling I-Beam, stops at a line in the middle, and then accelerates to get away from the oncoming second swinging heavy metal object. After the truck makes it, of course, the camera pans out to a sky-view of the prodigious clusterfuck.
Either the message was buy our car because we spend our R&D money gratuitously on silly, expensive stunts for our commericials, or I'm missing something. You could push an old clunker through the same set-up... if you got to decide all the specs before you started. It reminds me of the commercial where the dude is slamming his hand down on paper cups that may, or may not, have a sharp knife underneath, and he's blindfolded and shit. You know what's going to happen through: Network TV errs on the side of not showing dudes with real knives through their hand. I think he'll be fine.
I'm confident, all you corporations, that you can find elaborate ways to do stupid things. It'd just be nice to think that it weren't all so staged that stupidity couldn't invade stupidity. Take 2.
Enter the truck of some brand I don't remember. It's towing a 19th century pullcart of sandbags, and occasionally the cameraman pans in to a close-up of the mighty beast's internal organs slaving at the whim of the driver. The pick-up approaches the two relatively-closely-placed I-Beam pendulums. It races in past the first falling I-Beam, stops at a line in the middle, and then accelerates to get away from the oncoming second swinging heavy metal object. After the truck makes it, of course, the camera pans out to a sky-view of the prodigious clusterfuck.
Either the message was buy our car because we spend our R&D money gratuitously on silly, expensive stunts for our commericials, or I'm missing something. You could push an old clunker through the same set-up... if you got to decide all the specs before you started. It reminds me of the commercial where the dude is slamming his hand down on paper cups that may, or may not, have a sharp knife underneath, and he's blindfolded and shit. You know what's going to happen through: Network TV errs on the side of not showing dudes with real knives through their hand. I think he'll be fine.
I'm confident, all you corporations, that you can find elaborate ways to do stupid things. It'd just be nice to think that it weren't all so staged that stupidity couldn't invade stupidity. Take 2.
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