Cap'nStatute is here!
Friday
Thursday
Nursing Doctors
A mother with a four-year-old infant is suing the National Board of Medical Examiners to force them to allow her to take long enough breaks during "the Boards", required to become a doctor, so she can "express" breast milk through a pump for her baby.
Is the ability to work for 9 hours with only 45 minutes of break (the current structure of each day of the two day exam) a BFOQ of being a doctor? Let's ask some residents how much break time they get.
Is the ability to work for 9 hours with only 45 minutes of break (the current structure of each day of the two day exam) a BFOQ of being a doctor? Let's ask some residents how much break time they get.
Reason #54201 why JP isn't on a journal
I was chillaxing last night with AKen and Cap'n Statute on the back porch. They're both on the John Paul Stevens Law School International Law Journal: AKen is in the management and Cap'n Statute, bless his green-speedo'ed heart, contributes sweat equity.
Cap'n ran into a problem: The article he was assigned to cite check contained a citation to a 15th century Islamic prophetic text of some sort by a guy named So-and-so "the Grandson". Mr. Statute was able to track it down, like any good plebe, but he encountered a problem: The JPSLSILJ requires cite checkers to get the title pages of ancient religious texts to demonstrate that the cite is correct or something. This book had no title page. In fact, according to the Cap'n, you open the cover and it's all full of Arabic text:
"I'm not even sure whether to read it left to right or right to left," complained Statute.
AKen, ubiquitously the expropriator, then asked if Captain looked for a translated version.
"Unless it's not on WorldCat, Google Books, or regular Google, it doesn't exist."
"Well, we'll just cite it like we'd cite the Bible or something," responds the ever-optimistic AKen.
"Oh no," interjects Cap'n, "I think it's much closer to the Talmud or other Islamic texts. We should do it like we would for them."
This is one legal problem I'm happy to say I've responded to by denying cert.
Cap'n ran into a problem: The article he was assigned to cite check contained a citation to a 15th century Islamic prophetic text of some sort by a guy named So-and-so "the Grandson". Mr. Statute was able to track it down, like any good plebe, but he encountered a problem: The JPSLSILJ requires cite checkers to get the title pages of ancient religious texts to demonstrate that the cite is correct or something. This book had no title page. In fact, according to the Cap'n, you open the cover and it's all full of Arabic text:
"I'm not even sure whether to read it left to right or right to left," complained Statute.
AKen, ubiquitously the expropriator, then asked if Captain looked for a translated version.
"Unless it's not on WorldCat, Google Books, or regular Google, it doesn't exist."
"Well, we'll just cite it like we'd cite the Bible or something," responds the ever-optimistic AKen.
"Oh no," interjects Cap'n, "I think it's much closer to the Talmud or other Islamic texts. We should do it like we would for them."
This is one legal problem I'm happy to say I've responded to by denying cert.
Wednesday
The Perfect Crime
One of my colleagues, Cranny, at the JPSLS recently accepted a job offer to work in London starting sometime next year. Now Cranny is an enterprising young lawyer and, after hearing about check kiting schemes from Business Organizations, always wanted to try to make one of those scenarios fly. Luckily, at a consortium of fellow brilliant legal minds, we found the way to make it happen.
Start up a few checking accounts, get the kiting going, and start making phantom money hand over fist in preparation to leave the country. The day before Cranny flies to the UK, he drives up to Texas, and murders some random dude, taking lots of photographs so he can prove that he was the one who killed the guy. Maybe even off a few people just to be safe.
Then, once he arrives in the UK, they won't extradict him because the UK refuses to send criminals facing the death penalty back to the US. This is why he needs stone cold proof that he committed the murder, because if he doesn't, they can extradict him for the check kiting and he'll be totally fucked when they send him to Texas.
It's tits!
"Now I'm going to suck your feet"
Not exactly what you expect from someone mugging you, but hey, everyone gets their jollies somehow, right?
This guy apparently is a professional mugshot model too.
Courtesy of Dr. Nugz.
This guy apparently is a professional mugshot model too.
Courtesy of Dr. Nugz.
"Come on Donny, they were threatening castration!"
Are we gonna split hairs here?
I guess distinguishing between Longhorn fans and Sooner fans isn't exactly splitting hairs, but, well, when castration's down on the table, JP, like the dude, prefers to split.
This Texas fan didn't, though. When he walked into a bar in "Sooner Nation" sporting some Longhorn garb, he began to take some flak from Allen Michael Beckett. Beckett is a Sooner fan with a sordid employment history: "Beckett, a 53-year-old church deacon, federal auditor and former Army combat veteran..." Not only has Beckett administered two of the three human inevitabilities (death & taxes), he could also bless you, and not just when you sneeze. Anyone who spreads their values that thin is probably a stout short of a sixer.
Our unfortunately-Longhorn-garbed hero Brian Thomas started jabbering back, however, and things took a turn for the worst when Beckett started torquing Thomas' no no place:
Thomas told police that when he decided to leave and went to the bar to pay his tab, Beckett grabbed him in the crotch, pulled him to the ground and wouldn't let go, even as bar patrons tried to break it up. When the two men were separated, Thomas looked down and realized the extent of his injuries.
"He could see both of his testicles hanging on the outside of his body," said Thomas' attorney, Carl Hughes. "He was wearing a pair of white shorts, which made it that much worse."
It took more than 60 stitches to close the wound, and police interviewed Thomas at a nearby hospital emergency room.
I don't know if it's worse that Beckett was willing to engage in Abu Ghirab-esque tactics over football, or that Sooner fans fight by grabbing your nuts. Do they teach proper nut-wrenching technique in the military?
I guess distinguishing between Longhorn fans and Sooner fans isn't exactly splitting hairs, but, well, when castration's down on the table, JP, like the dude, prefers to split.
This Texas fan didn't, though. When he walked into a bar in "Sooner Nation" sporting some Longhorn garb, he began to take some flak from Allen Michael Beckett. Beckett is a Sooner fan with a sordid employment history: "Beckett, a 53-year-old church deacon, federal auditor and former Army combat veteran..." Not only has Beckett administered two of the three human inevitabilities (death & taxes), he could also bless you, and not just when you sneeze. Anyone who spreads their values that thin is probably a stout short of a sixer.
Our unfortunately-Longhorn-garbed hero Brian Thomas started jabbering back, however, and things took a turn for the worst when Beckett started torquing Thomas' no no place:
Thomas told police that when he decided to leave and went to the bar to pay his tab, Beckett grabbed him in the crotch, pulled him to the ground and wouldn't let go, even as bar patrons tried to break it up. When the two men were separated, Thomas looked down and realized the extent of his injuries.
"He could see both of his testicles hanging on the outside of his body," said Thomas' attorney, Carl Hughes. "He was wearing a pair of white shorts, which made it that much worse."
It took more than 60 stitches to close the wound, and police interviewed Thomas at a nearby hospital emergency room.
I don't know if it's worse that Beckett was willing to engage in Abu Ghirab-esque tactics over football, or that Sooner fans fight by grabbing your nuts. Do they teach proper nut-wrenching technique in the military?
Tuesday
(Lady of the) Night at the Dane?
I went to the Dane with colleagues Dr. Nugz and ONutz last night to watch the football and enjoy some beverage, we started people watching, and soon picked up on a bizarre little situation over by the pool tables.
A quite attractive young lady was playing pool with two dudes who looked like buddies. First, she basically gives dude #1 a lap dance while he's sitting on a chair near the pool table and dude #2 is shooting. Then dude #2 comes over and starts trepidaciously touching her hind end. At this point we're like hmmm... Then the positions reverse: Dude #1 goes to the bathroom and dude #2 gets very similar play. Then, in a really great move, after dude #1 gets back, the girl takes her bra off in the middle of the bar.
What really sealed this story was when the girl went out for a cigarette. The two guys sat down next to each other, fist-pounded, grabbed their coats and hers, and walked out, presumably with her in tow.
As a side note, her cigarette break corresponded with mine, and she spent it doing sign language with a deaf man outside.
A quite attractive young lady was playing pool with two dudes who looked like buddies. First, she basically gives dude #1 a lap dance while he's sitting on a chair near the pool table and dude #2 is shooting. Then dude #2 comes over and starts trepidaciously touching her hind end. At this point we're like hmmm... Then the positions reverse: Dude #1 goes to the bathroom and dude #2 gets very similar play. Then, in a really great move, after dude #1 gets back, the girl takes her bra off in the middle of the bar.
What really sealed this story was when the girl went out for a cigarette. The two guys sat down next to each other, fist-pounded, grabbed their coats and hers, and walked out, presumably with her in tow.
As a side note, her cigarette break corresponded with mine, and she spent it doing sign language with a deaf man outside.
Monday
Buffalo tragedy
Bills tight end Kevin Everett is still sedated after spinal surgery. It's bad enough that they aren't even going to wake him up for 24 to 48 hours. My legal medical expertise makes me think that they don't want him to wake up so he doesn't move abruptly and set back his spinal surgery.
Fuck, that's a bad injury.
Fuck, that's a bad injury.
Pour one out for your homeboys
Lots of teenage Mormons are leaving home at a young age to be able to watch TV, use the internet, drink and look at young ladies.
I have to say, this one tugs at my heartstrings. The dude in the story had a secret stash of Die Hard movies. When his parents found them... "they burned them and gave him an ultimatum. Stop watching movies, they said, or leave the family and church for good." And it wasn't even a porno! If I couldn't watch TV, play on the 'net or look at girls in high school... for fuck's sake, I wouldn't get a single joke or be able to, at a quick glance, discern whether the girl walking by is worth another look. Life skillz, folks.
I have to say, this one tugs at my heartstrings. The dude in the story had a secret stash of Die Hard movies. When his parents found them... "they burned them and gave him an ultimatum. Stop watching movies, they said, or leave the family and church for good." And it wasn't even a porno! If I couldn't watch TV, play on the 'net or look at girls in high school... for fuck's sake, I wouldn't get a single joke or be able to, at a quick glance, discern whether the girl walking by is worth another look. Life skillz, folks.
Senatorial Duress?
Everyone's favorite bathroom rendez-vous is back in the news to, like the guiltiest of the guilty, whine, cry, cite to conspiracy, and generally create a stink. Sometimes it's just better to say that no, I don't actually have a wide urination stance, and yes, I was seeking anonymous hedonistic fulfillment.
Not Larry Craig. Larry's lawyer claims that "Sen. Larry Craig should be allowed to withdraw his guilty plea in a sex sting because he was under extreme stress after being hounded by journalists asking questions about his sexuality."
You have to be kidding me. I think Mr. Craig's attorney should take a page from Dr. Nugz and pull out the pants doctrine at the hearing. If your lawyer drops trough and peaces, mooning the whole courtroom, it's an automatic victory.
Not Larry Craig. Larry's lawyer claims that "Sen. Larry Craig should be allowed to withdraw his guilty plea in a sex sting because he was under extreme stress after being hounded by journalists asking questions about his sexuality."
You have to be kidding me. I think Mr. Craig's attorney should take a page from Dr. Nugz and pull out the pants doctrine at the hearing. If your lawyer drops trough and peaces, mooning the whole courtroom, it's an automatic victory.
Michigan
is on their way from funny to sad, and they're somewhere in the middle now. Who'd of thunk that the third-week Michigan-Notre Dame matchup would be a relief to both teams only because at least one of them has to win? Is it the Big Ten that's that bad, or is it just the maize and blue?
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