is set at 75.
Yesterday was an amazing day in sports for that man. I heard ESPNRadio talk about him for 20 minutes last night. A few of the gems from the web:
Still, there was Daly, remarkably, on the leaderboard Thursday, shooting 3-under-par 67 on a course he had not seen in 13 years, bombing drives with reckless abandon, and beating the heat by lighting up cigarettes and chugging Diet Pepsi. "It actually works," he said.
I heard him talk about this on the radio, and I was in stitches in bed by myself. The reporter asked him about the heat, and he responded that he grew up around Tulsa, so he's used to the heat, and the worst part are these little valleys where the humidity gathers and you can barely breathe. When that happens, he said, I just start puffing on a cigarette and chugging Diet Pepsi. There's a little pause, and then he's like I know it sounds bad and all, but it really works. Hysterical.
"There were odds with all the caddies and players this week," Daly quipped. "Who would fall first, me or my caddie [Peter VanDer Riet]. So we made it. We made 18 holes."
I'd say it's a little premature to say Daly will stay upright for three more rounds if it stays hot, especially since...
"Only had three heat strokes out there," [Daly] said.
Thursday
Conservapedia Conserva-Spotlight: Online Courses for Homeschoolers
It's true. On Conservapedia, you can "take classes" in different subject areas without having to worry about the nasty liberal bias that infiltrates all echelons of our educational system.
For example, in the Supreme Court class, which starts this September, you can learn about great stuff like "what precedents are there now 5 conservative votes for overruling? Are there 5 votes to overrule Roe v. Wade?" and "What are the worst liberal decisions rendered by the Court?" The express purpose of the course is as follows: "The Supreme Court" is a one-semester course for those curious about how the Court became so liberal in the 1960s through 1980s, and for those interested in learning how the Court can get back on the right path for the future." Goddamn liberal bias.
You can also take American Government 101 or Critical Thinking in Math. Enroll now, before the spots fill up, and all you're left with are biased and value-laden educational opportunities!
For example, in the Supreme Court class, which starts this September, you can learn about great stuff like "what precedents are there now 5 conservative votes for overruling? Are there 5 votes to overrule Roe v. Wade?" and "What are the worst liberal decisions rendered by the Court?" The express purpose of the course is as follows: "The Supreme Court" is a one-semester course for those curious about how the Court became so liberal in the 1960s through 1980s, and for those interested in learning how the Court can get back on the right path for the future." Goddamn liberal bias.
You can also take American Government 101 or Critical Thinking in Math. Enroll now, before the spots fill up, and all you're left with are biased and value-laden educational opportunities!
Daly Explains How He Did It!
From ESPN via Mr. Monahan:
The Legend of John Daly continues to grow.
Daly just completed his post-round news conference and talked about eschewing practice rounds at Southern Hills in favor of -- you guessed it -- going to a casino.
On Tuesday, Daly played slots at nearby Cherokee Casino and said he did very well. He went back the next day (yesterday) and didn't fare as well on the slots, but got in some golf at the casino's course.
He got in some golf at the casino's course. I love it.
The Legend of John Daly continues to grow.
Daly just completed his post-round news conference and talked about eschewing practice rounds at Southern Hills in favor of -- you guessed it -- going to a casino.
On Tuesday, Daly played slots at nearby Cherokee Casino and said he did very well. He went back the next day (yesterday) and didn't fare as well on the slots, but got in some golf at the casino's course.
He got in some golf at the casino's course. I love it.
Daly's Up By Two Shots!
Oberholser made double at the 16th, and Daly now has a two-shot lead on day one at the PGA. He must have wagered a lot of money on this round. It isn't over yet though: John can definitely still shoot 80 today.
UPDATE: John didn't shoot 80. In fact, he merely bogeyed 16 to shoot a proper 67 on the first day. He's the leader in the clubhouse.
UPDATE: John didn't shoot 80. In fact, he merely bogeyed 16 to shoot a proper 67 on the first day. He's the leader in the clubhouse.
JOHN DALY'S TIED FOR FIRST AT A MAJOR!
I just have to get this up there for posterity's sake. He birdied 13 to go -4 in a tie with Arron Oberholser for the lead. Unfortunately, the 223 yard par 3 14th awaits our hero. If he can play the last 5 holes at even par, the JP may send him a congratulatory pack of ciggys.
UPDATE: Par on the 14th! It would make my day if Big John is atop the first round leaderboard.
-3 Through 12
tied for second with two others, and bogey-free, is our hero. C'mon John, don't totally blow it!
John Daly is Two Under Through Seven at a Major!
The PGA Tournament begins today at Southern Hills in Tulsa, and through seven holes John Daly is tied for fifth! Granted, only about half the field has teed off, but let's not knock Big John: He hasn't even made a bogey yet (two neat birdies on par-4's) and is staring Tiger (-3 through 7) down from across the course. I wonder how Tiger would respond if JD started blowing cigarette smoke in his face before shots? I bet Daly finishes the day around +2, unless he has some side bets going, in which case he'll be four or five under.
UPDATE: Big John's -3 through 9 and tied for 3rd! Looking through the back nine, I predict the blow-up coming at the 223 yard par 3 14th. 16 is a 507 yard par 4 (!), which shouldn't be a problem as long as JD doesn't go in there on tilt. If so, he could make 8 faster than you can say 'Pay up on the side bets'.
SIDENOTE: In case you aren't convinced that John Daly is the man, check this out. It's fairly close to NSFW, but there's no nudity: It's from Deadspin.
USN&WR: Top 10 Most Overrated Careers
Attorney is on there, of course. People think practicing law means kicking ass and taking names like in Law & Order. Actually, the reason we're attorneys in the first place is because we can't kick any ass. We are pretty good at taking names though, preferably on yellow legal pads with a black pen.
NYT Undertones: Illegal Drugs
There seems to be a common thread throughout columns up on NYTimes.com. Should this milk be legal? is about buying raw milk that comes straight from the cow. It's highly regulated, apparently, and so our protagonist joined up with the milk mafia: "Clandestine milk clubs, like the one Mr. Milgrom-Elcott joined, are one way of circumventing the law, and there are others." Yeah, milk, right.
Next, in a tip of the hat to legal drugs out there, the NYTimes takes up prescription schwag. Because generic drugs are out there, people won't spend lots of money on the brand-names like Merxx and Pfizer, bless their greedy little hearts, that we've all come to know and name as defendants in tort actions.
Finally, to highlight some of the benefits of illegal drug use, they take up high school seniors' surprising aptitude in economics. Running a black market as an extracurricular is clearly great training to, as the title boasts, "Show Better Grasp of Market Forces Than Expected on U.S. Economics Test".
Next, in a tip of the hat to legal drugs out there, the NYTimes takes up prescription schwag. Because generic drugs are out there, people won't spend lots of money on the brand-names like Merxx and Pfizer, bless their greedy little hearts, that we've all come to know and name as defendants in tort actions.
Finally, to highlight some of the benefits of illegal drug use, they take up high school seniors' surprising aptitude in economics. Running a black market as an extracurricular is clearly great training to, as the title boasts, "Show Better Grasp of Market Forces Than Expected on U.S. Economics Test".
Sauce Watch: Wednesday Night
JP, Oberlizzle and the Good Doctor had a little sauce fest last night. The following beers are now contributing to JP's nausea:
Three Floyd's Robert the Bruce Scottish Style Ale was my favorite. It almost looks like a stout in the glass and has some serious body. I like hearty, malty beer, and I will buy many more Three Floyd's beers in the future. I've had their Alpha King on draft, and it's delicious too.
Continuing on the scottish theme, Flying Dog's Scottish Porter was fine. I expected it to be a little more flavorful, but the short, blunt, malty porter taste was pretty tasty, I have to say, even though I generally prefer bigger porters. I'd drink it for breakfast no problem.
Boulder Beer's Hazed and Confused is not too dissimilar from the Dogfish Head Shelter Ale that I bitched about awhile ago, except there's actually flavor there. It's hard to describe: Comes off like a pale ale, isn't overhopped, but is smooth and tastable. I get worried with the hybrid pale ales that they'll underhop and I'll spend $8 on a six-pack of water that sat next to some hops at one point. This isn't that, though.
Slate's Test-Your-Blog-Name Quiz
appears here. Let's see how Seriatim measures up:
1) Irony is a cruel mistress.
One way to enhance your online charisma is through self-deprecation.
Rule #1 only applies if you're not a mf Supreme Court Justice. Suck it. Next.
2) Mind the allusions.
For some reason (don't ask me why) conservatives christen their sites with geek pop-culture references more often than liberals do.
Nope. Seriatim is an old legal word: "Seriatim, Latin for "in series," is a legal term typically used to indicate that a court is addressing multiple issues in a certain order, such as the order that the issues were originally presented to the court. A seriatim opinion describes an opinion delivered by a court with multiple judges, in which each judge reads his or her own opinion rather than a single judge writing an opinion on behalf of the entire court."
Next.
3) Inside jokes doom.
Nicknames and private giggles are fine for yearbook inscriptions and e-mail passwords, but as blog titles they're a nuisance.
Check and check. Next.
4) Choose antagonists wisely.
If your raison d'blog is to monitor and annoy another Web site—one you hate; one that formerly employed you—be sure you've got the right obsessive tendencies to keep up with your quarry and do only that.
Here's where Seriatim really shines. I call Frank Lasee a douchebag a lot, and that's wise.
5) Beware the pun.
As much as I disagree, this isn't the time nor the place.
6) MoveOn.Snore
Don't shy from tabloid pungency just because you want to appear thoughtful and sophisticated.
Preach it brother.
7) Embrace the solipsism.
Unlike Alterman and Ireland, most journos use their own bylines to identify their blogs. As Michael Kinsley previously wrote in Slate, even a "modest, soft-spoken, and self-effacing" journalist can appear an "egotistical monster" when www precedes his name.
We don't have to worry about whether the egotistical monsterdom is just an illusion masking modesty or softness of speech around here.
1) Irony is a cruel mistress.
One way to enhance your online charisma is through self-deprecation.
Rule #1 only applies if you're not a mf Supreme Court Justice. Suck it. Next.
2) Mind the allusions.
For some reason (don't ask me why) conservatives christen their sites with geek pop-culture references more often than liberals do.
Nope. Seriatim is an old legal word: "Seriatim, Latin for "in series," is a legal term typically used to indicate that a court is addressing multiple issues in a certain order, such as the order that the issues were originally presented to the court. A seriatim opinion describes an opinion delivered by a court with multiple judges, in which each judge reads his or her own opinion rather than a single judge writing an opinion on behalf of the entire court."
Next.
3) Inside jokes doom.
Nicknames and private giggles are fine for yearbook inscriptions and e-mail passwords, but as blog titles they're a nuisance.
Check and check. Next.
4) Choose antagonists wisely.
If your raison d'blog is to monitor and annoy another Web site—one you hate; one that formerly employed you—be sure you've got the right obsessive tendencies to keep up with your quarry and do only that.
Here's where Seriatim really shines. I call Frank Lasee a douchebag a lot, and that's wise.
5) Beware the pun.
As much as I disagree, this isn't the time nor the place.
6) MoveOn.Snore
Don't shy from tabloid pungency just because you want to appear thoughtful and sophisticated.
Preach it brother.
7) Embrace the solipsism.
Unlike Alterman and Ireland, most journos use their own bylines to identify their blogs. As Michael Kinsley previously wrote in Slate, even a "modest, soft-spoken, and self-effacing" journalist can appear an "egotistical monster" when www precedes his name.
We don't have to worry about whether the egotistical monsterdom is just an illusion masking modesty or softness of speech around here.
Wednesday
The Frank Lasee Douchebag of the Month Award: August Goes To...
*drumroll* Frank Lasee! Congratulations Frank. The award is for your Taxpayers Protection Pledge, where you "pledge" to the taxpayers of Wisconsin that you will "oppose and vote against any and all efforts to increase taxes."
I think Frank misunderstands the idea of government. Government collects money; government provides services with that money. Collecting money and spending money, I think, are related. So why don't you rename your little pledge the "Public Services Protection Pledge"? You can claim that no matter what public service the state government tries to provide for its people, you will categorically protect them from being able to receive its benefits.
Frank, for your contribution to douchebaggery in Wisconsin politics, I present you the Frank Lasee Douchebag of the Month Award: August.
Previous winners:
July: Frank Lasee
I think Frank misunderstands the idea of government. Government collects money; government provides services with that money. Collecting money and spending money, I think, are related. So why don't you rename your little pledge the "Public Services Protection Pledge"? You can claim that no matter what public service the state government tries to provide for its people, you will categorically protect them from being able to receive its benefits.
Frank, for your contribution to douchebaggery in Wisconsin politics, I present you the Frank Lasee Douchebag of the Month Award: August.
Previous winners:
July: Frank Lasee
Masturbating in Public
and getting caught. Sides v. City of Champaign is an unfortunate case of PDA gone horribly wrong. I think it's because he was doing it in a Target parking lot in front of his girlfriend, who was apparently in the passenger's seat of the car dude was using to block everyone else's view of his dong. Notice that it wasn't midnight alone in a Target parking lot; dude whipped it out at approximately 1pm in Champaign, IL.
The worst part: He got caught on video camera, and a Target employee called the police who came and arrested him. The claim up on appeal was the summary judgment dismissal of his 1983 claim (*yawn*), but the $$$ is the original $175 fine he got for the indecent exposure:
The officers cited Sides, but not Manuel, for violating Champaign’s public indecency ordinance, which prohibits anyone over sixteen years of age from performing acts of sexual intercourse, sexual penetration or “lewd exposure of the body” in public. Champaign Mun. Code § 23-111. The notice to appear listed a minimum fine amount of $175, which the city later claimed was imposed by the city municipal code. Id. § 1-21(b) & Table I. After investigation, Sides discovered that the minimum fine had not been listed in the appropriate section of the code published at the time he committed the offense; he argued to the state trial court that no such minimum fine applied to him. The court agreed, dismissing the city’s complaint without prejudice to refiling without the purported minimum fine. The city filed a new complaint as amended. City of Champaign v. Sides, 810 N.E.2d 287, 292, 294 (Ill. App. Ct. 2004). Sides was convicted and fined $500 under a jury instruction that permitted the jury to impose a fine from $1 to $750. See Champaign Mun. Code § 1-21(c).
The JP has never before seen someone with his foot that far in his mouth.
The worst part: He got caught on video camera, and a Target employee called the police who came and arrested him. The claim up on appeal was the summary judgment dismissal of his 1983 claim (*yawn*), but the $$$ is the original $175 fine he got for the indecent exposure:
The officers cited Sides, but not Manuel, for violating Champaign’s public indecency ordinance, which prohibits anyone over sixteen years of age from performing acts of sexual intercourse, sexual penetration or “lewd exposure of the body” in public. Champaign Mun. Code § 23-111. The notice to appear listed a minimum fine amount of $175, which the city later claimed was imposed by the city municipal code. Id. § 1-21(b) & Table I. After investigation, Sides discovered that the minimum fine had not been listed in the appropriate section of the code published at the time he committed the offense; he argued to the state trial court that no such minimum fine applied to him. The court agreed, dismissing the city’s complaint without prejudice to refiling without the purported minimum fine. The city filed a new complaint as amended. City of Champaign v. Sides, 810 N.E.2d 287, 292, 294 (Ill. App. Ct. 2004). Sides was convicted and fined $500 under a jury instruction that permitted the jury to impose a fine from $1 to $750. See Champaign Mun. Code § 1-21(c).
The JP has never before seen someone with his foot that far in his mouth.
This is Why Duke Sucks
Mark your calendars Badger fans, because on Tuesday, November 27th at 7pm CST, the Badgers will battle the Dukies of this is why Duke sucks (SFW w/ headphones) fame in Cameron Indoor Stadium.
The JP hates Duke like he hates U.S. v. Lochner and insolent gavels, so I'm particularly excited to watch a Badger team that will be improved from last year (you heard it here first) beat up on some Dukie dookies.
The JP hates Duke like he hates U.S. v. Lochner and insolent gavels, so I'm particularly excited to watch a Badger team that will be improved from last year (you heard it here first) beat up on some Dukie dookies.
Not a Yummy University
JP is a little disturbed by a nasty story coming out of the Big Wormy Apple. Apparently over the weekend a 20 year old woman was found locked dead in her bathroom decomposing after a few days in 90 degree heat (her neighbors smelled her). Now, another twist, and I think the CNN headline is brutal enough: "Police: Boyfriend Slits Wrists, Implicates Self in NYU Death."
Rough day for dude. Apparently he was seen both standing atop an NYC building and then, later, on the streets with slashed wrists. I wonder if they Mirandized him before they put him in the ambulance?
Rough day for dude. Apparently he was seen both standing atop an NYC building and then, later, on the streets with slashed wrists. I wonder if they Mirandized him before they put him in the ambulance?
Giant Lego Man
washes up on Dutch shores. Alternate title: Dutch develop new mushroom that makes a camera hallucinate.
A tip of JP's gavel to Oberlizzle for the head's up.
Tuesday
Seventh Circuit Supports Suspicious Statistics
United States v. Schmitt, which came out of the hallowed Seventh Circuit today, vacated another sentence within the guidelines for a child porn connoisseur, although luckily not another imposed by the interminable Shabaz (it was from the EDW). The range was 63 to 78 months and dude got 63 months, but, through some mathmagical legal research, he was able to come up with an awesome statistic:
"At his sentencing hearing, he showed convincingly that the overwhelming majority of defendants charged with the same crime in the state courts covering the same area as the Eastern District of Wisconsin received sentences far lower than 63 months. Indeed, only nine of 104 defendants sentenced in the previous five years in those counties received any prison time at all. Schmitt argued to the district court that it should take this evidence into account and sentence him below the guideline minimum. The district judge disagreed and imposed a guideline sentence of 63 months."
The Seventh Circuit thought the sentencing judge was too confined by the advisory guidelines and vacated for resentencing. Along with being one of only 10 kiddie diddler watchers to serve time in his district, Schmitt apparently doubled as an amateur saint:
There is a difference between weighing the seriousness of a particular offense more heavily under § 3553(a), and feeling compelled to impose a guideline sentence for a particular class of crimes. The latter approach inappropriately limits the consideration that a district judge gives to the entire range of factors made relevant by § 3553(a) before choosing a sentence. It especially devalues those factors that are unique to an individual defendant—like the “wonderful things” noted by the district judge that were said about Schmitt—that are not taken into account when calculating the guideline range.
Maybe Judge Wood had sympathy for dude because he was caught by the Norwegian government:
In March 2004, the Norwegian government, attempting to identify potential possessors and distributors of child pornography, began investigating the global use of computer-based, peer-to-peer file sharing programs. In the course of that investigation, Schmitt’s internet protocol address was identified as having shared at least seven files containing child pornography. The Norwegians shared this information with the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation (“FBI”), which then pursued its own investigation.
Hey, the Norwegians get us all from time to time.
"At his sentencing hearing, he showed convincingly that the overwhelming majority of defendants charged with the same crime in the state courts covering the same area as the Eastern District of Wisconsin received sentences far lower than 63 months. Indeed, only nine of 104 defendants sentenced in the previous five years in those counties received any prison time at all. Schmitt argued to the district court that it should take this evidence into account and sentence him below the guideline minimum. The district judge disagreed and imposed a guideline sentence of 63 months."
The Seventh Circuit thought the sentencing judge was too confined by the advisory guidelines and vacated for resentencing. Along with being one of only 10 kiddie diddler watchers to serve time in his district, Schmitt apparently doubled as an amateur saint:
There is a difference between weighing the seriousness of a particular offense more heavily under § 3553(a), and feeling compelled to impose a guideline sentence for a particular class of crimes. The latter approach inappropriately limits the consideration that a district judge gives to the entire range of factors made relevant by § 3553(a) before choosing a sentence. It especially devalues those factors that are unique to an individual defendant—like the “wonderful things” noted by the district judge that were said about Schmitt—that are not taken into account when calculating the guideline range.
Maybe Judge Wood had sympathy for dude because he was caught by the Norwegian government:
In March 2004, the Norwegian government, attempting to identify potential possessors and distributors of child pornography, began investigating the global use of computer-based, peer-to-peer file sharing programs. In the course of that investigation, Schmitt’s internet protocol address was identified as having shared at least seven files containing child pornography. The Norwegians shared this information with the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation (“FBI”), which then pursued its own investigation.
Hey, the Norwegians get us all from time to time.
Oh No You Di'n't
The NYTimes has a scathing editorial on the new eavesdropping law that was passed yesterday. The NYTimes says that the law was originally supposed to fix a problem in the 1978 version (eavesdropping was only allowed without a warrant when one of the parties was outside the US, but a judge ruled that if the telecommunications even merely travel electronically into the states, you need a warrant) but Congress was "railroaded" into passing sweeping wiretapping reform:
"They gave the director of national intelligence and the attorney general authority to intercept — without warrant, court supervision or accountability — any telephone call or e-mail message that moves in, out of or through the United States as long as there is a 'reasonable belief' that one party is not in the United States."
They blame the aggressive executive for pushing bad policy and the chicken-hearted Democratic legislature for "caving" and passing the bill:
It was appalling to watch over the last few days as Congress — now led by Democrats — caved in to yet another unnecessary and dangerous expansion of President Bush’s powers, this time to spy on Americans in violation of basic constitutional rights. Many of the 16 Democrats in the Senate and 41 in the House who voted for the bill said that they had acted in the name of national security, but the only security at play was their job security.
Ooooh.
Monday
Steve Spurrier's
kind of an idiot. He's lambasting the University of South Carolina in the press for not admitting academically two students he made football scholarship offers.
"Hopefully, I truly believe this is the last year this is going to happen, because I can't operate like that," Spurrier said. "I can't operate misleading young men."
Spurrier signed a contract extension, which included a raise of nearly a half-million dollars, that ties him to South Carolina through 2012. However, he said if things didn't change on admissions "then I have to go somewhere else, because I can't tell the young man that he's coming to school here," then not have him admitted.
Solution: Stop telling them they're going to be guaranteed admission if you know there's an academic committee that has veto power? If he doesn't like that, hey, maybe he does need to leave. But he isn't forced to lie. Likely USC represented to Spurrier that they'd admit his recruits, but they don't have to. He works for them, not vice versa, and the athletic tail shouldn't be wagging the dog of the composition of USC's student body.
If you don't like it that way, Steve, why don't you go to the NFL? Oh wait, been there, done that:
Spurrier's failure was of a different kind. He was the coach, nothing else. He had a say in choosing players, but only a say often overruled by the owner. Snyder was demonstrably incompetent to make personnel decisions; he'd never played, never scouted, never worked in football. But he believes fervently and without exception in the golden rule: he who has the gold rules. So Snyder appointed himself the team's de facto general manager.
All Steve wants to do is everything Steve wants to do, and all these pesky teams keep putting the kabosh on his hallucination of traipsing unencumbered through the Elysian Fields of a football program. (Maybe you're not good enough.)
Hello Kitty, Meet Dante Aligheri
From ABC News via Above the Law: Thai Cops to wear "Hello Kitty" armbands as punishment.
"Simple warnings no longer work. This new twist is expected to make them feel guilt and shame and prevent them from repeating the offense, no matter how minor," said Pongpat, acting chief of the Crime Suppression Division in Bangkok.
"(Hello) Kitty is a cute icon for young girls. It's not something macho police officers want covering their biceps," Pongpat said.
Hmm, ok. So how does one earn a pink armband?
Police officers caught littering, parking in a prohibited area, or arriving late among other misdemeanors will be forced to stay in the division office and wear the armband all day, said Police Col. Pongpat Chayaphan. The officers won't wear the armband in public.
(1) The officers won't wear it in public? That's a cop-out (hA!). (2) Can't we be more creative than a Hello Kitty armband? If Dante Aligheri, author of The Divine Comedy, were the new police discipline director in Thailand, he'd have much better ideas.
If the officers are littering, put a Nerf-style basketball hoop over their head that the public can throw trash into on the street. If the officers park illegally, make them carry the car around on their back for a day to show them how big a pain in the ass it is to deal with a misplaced car. If they arrive late, force them to undergo lengthy and invasive medical testing by Thai high school biology students to try to find out why they're so lazy and insolent. Hello Kitty, while amusing, should only be the first step to cure Thai police misconduct through comedic contrapasso.
"Simple warnings no longer work. This new twist is expected to make them feel guilt and shame and prevent them from repeating the offense, no matter how minor," said Pongpat, acting chief of the Crime Suppression Division in Bangkok.
"(Hello) Kitty is a cute icon for young girls. It's not something macho police officers want covering their biceps," Pongpat said.
Hmm, ok. So how does one earn a pink armband?
Police officers caught littering, parking in a prohibited area, or arriving late among other misdemeanors will be forced to stay in the division office and wear the armband all day, said Police Col. Pongpat Chayaphan. The officers won't wear the armband in public.
(1) The officers won't wear it in public? That's a cop-out (hA!). (2) Can't we be more creative than a Hello Kitty armband? If Dante Aligheri, author of The Divine Comedy, were the new police discipline director in Thailand, he'd have much better ideas.
If the officers are littering, put a Nerf-style basketball hoop over their head that the public can throw trash into on the street. If the officers park illegally, make them carry the car around on their back for a day to show them how big a pain in the ass it is to deal with a misplaced car. If they arrive late, force them to undergo lengthy and invasive medical testing by Thai high school biology students to try to find out why they're so lazy and insolent. Hello Kitty, while amusing, should only be the first step to cure Thai police misconduct through comedic contrapasso.
Update: Gordon Smith Not on BYU Web Faculty Listings
He is going to get to work with this guy though, who is a dead ringer for Milton from Office Space.
Unfortunate Law Firm URL
I'm sure the guys over at Morrison & Foerster LLP are bright folk. I mean, on their website, I see they've been named to the "Defense Hot List" for 2006 and are strengthening their international offices by adding seven lawyers in Tokyo.
Unfortunately, anyone who wants to see all this on the net has to type in http://www.mofo.com.
Unfortunately, anyone who wants to see all this on the net has to type in http://www.mofo.com.
Life for Hainstock
Eric Hainstock, the student who shot Principal John Klang in school last September and motivated Frank Lasee to propose arming teachers, was sentenced to the mandatory minimum of life with a chance of parole in thirty years. The primary argumentative technique employed by the prosecution at sentencing was, um, pathos:
"I had gotten engaged four days before my dad passed away, and my new fiancé and I were planning to come down and tell my parents in person over the weekend. We waited all week. We were so excited, and I ended up telling my mom some of the happiest news of my life in the waiting room at the hospital while my dad was dying," said Kerri Klang, daughter of John Klang.
Hmm, relevant? She isn't suing for IIED is she?
"The only one I have not seen shed a tear is Eric himself. I have yet to see any sign of remorse," she said. "Less than two hours after he shot John, he told detectives he was hungry, so they gave him something to eat. He then sat there and ate a sandwich with my husband's blood literally still on his hands."
The JP will not condescend to some cheesy joke about mistaken ketchup identity.
"He's not heartless. People don't know him like we do. He's a loving boy. Everybody tries to paint a picture that he's evil and he's not," Shawn Hainstock [Eric's father] said.
Does the whambulance-like nature of sentencing bother anyone else? At some level, doesn't allowing the family sob fest in court make killing someone with a big family more culpable, sentence-wise, than killing someone whose lifestyle didn't motivate scores of people to testify at his/her behalf? Asking myself, naturally, WWWJDD, he'd tell me to read the statute, and I wouldn't find anything about first-degree murder of a cool guy being different than first-degree murder of a dbag. Someone needs to reel in the testimony allowed at sentencing...
"I had gotten engaged four days before my dad passed away, and my new fiancé and I were planning to come down and tell my parents in person over the weekend. We waited all week. We were so excited, and I ended up telling my mom some of the happiest news of my life in the waiting room at the hospital while my dad was dying," said Kerri Klang, daughter of John Klang.
Hmm, relevant? She isn't suing for IIED is she?
"The only one I have not seen shed a tear is Eric himself. I have yet to see any sign of remorse," she said. "Less than two hours after he shot John, he told detectives he was hungry, so they gave him something to eat. He then sat there and ate a sandwich with my husband's blood literally still on his hands."
The JP will not condescend to some cheesy joke about mistaken ketchup identity.
"He's not heartless. People don't know him like we do. He's a loving boy. Everybody tries to paint a picture that he's evil and he's not," Shawn Hainstock [Eric's father] said.
Does the whambulance-like nature of sentencing bother anyone else? At some level, doesn't allowing the family sob fest in court make killing someone with a big family more culpable, sentence-wise, than killing someone whose lifestyle didn't motivate scores of people to testify at his/her behalf? Asking myself, naturally, WWWJDD, he'd tell me to read the statute, and I wouldn't find anything about first-degree murder of a cool guy being different than first-degree murder of a dbag. Someone needs to reel in the testimony allowed at sentencing...
Sauce Watch: Schnockerdom
Victory Golden Monkey: Good tripel. You can probably do better for the $$$ ($11.29/6), but it makes a very nice Sunday morning breakfast beer.
Farmhouse Saison 7: I had this first with Oberlizzle, he tried it first, and the first thing he said was 'this tastes just like spotted cow.' Luckily, he was wrong: It isn't as tasty as Hennepin's Farmhouse Saison, but it's still pretty good.
Rogue's Brutal Bitter: Good pale ale; probably not worth the price though.
Founder's Dry-Hopped Pale Ale: If you drink one of these and one of the Brutal Bitter's back to back, you can taste the dry-hopping difference: It's not quite as full and a bit more astringent, but very nice cold after a round of golf.
Your Daily Dose of Frank Lasee
If you're enough of an idiot to read more than two or three posts on this blog, you've heard of Frank Lasee, the shit-for-brains Wisconsin State Rep who advocates both diverting money from education and purchasing firearms for educators. What do you tell an insolent fourth grader with two holes in his head? Nothing, you already told him twice.
Last Friday, Frank proposed reducing the number of counties in Wisconsin. I have to say, facially, that does appear to be a piece of not-totally-moronic-like-arming-teachers nugget of policy coming from the desk of our hero. He doesn't even any crack jokes at the disabled, poor, or ethnically-diverse while explaining its merits.
Unfortunately, this is the point where things start to head south for Mr. Lasee. What are the "merits" of this proposal?
"There are 31 states with fewer counties than Wisconsin. Ten of those states have more people than Wisconsin."
First of all, what in the name of Oliver Wendall Holmes is Lasee trying to say? 31 states with fewer counties than Wisconsin, and 10 of those 31 have more people than Wisconsin. Well, so 18 states have more counties than Wisconsin, what if 10 of them have fewer people? Then we're still at the county/population ratio median. The JP suspects that, even if Mr. Lasee wants to assume that Wisconsin should blindly pursue the median in Federalist politics, his attempt at bolstering his argument statistically was both vain and in vain.
Unfortunately for him and the rest of Wisconsin that wants to at least pretend to have a legitimate state government, Lasee continues:
Each county runs large operations like jails, courts, landfills, highway departments and welfare services.
The bill would create a task force to look at combining counties. Some counties already have contracted with other counties for services. There are counties that have combined services through cooperative agreements.
If we continue to do things the way we have always done them, we will continue to get the same results. What I have noticed is that our government continues to grow faster than our paychecks. Us citizens are losing ground to our government. I believe combining counties could provide efficiencies and save money on major services without losing our representative government.
Hey, that almost sounds like coherent, rational justification. When I read through that part the first time, I was like hey, give me back Frank Lasee and get rid of this pod person or else I'm not going to have anything to make fun of on my blog. Things aren't that dire, though: I think Frank's arguing here for bigger government, yes? I agree wholeheartedly that it's generally more efficient to have fewer, bigger governments serving more people. I just don't think you really do, Frank, considering you're always looking to cut taxes and slash funding. Let's combine county government... and not fund them!
Last Friday, Frank proposed reducing the number of counties in Wisconsin. I have to say, facially, that does appear to be a piece of not-totally-moronic-like-arming-teachers nugget of policy coming from the desk of our hero. He doesn't even any crack jokes at the disabled, poor, or ethnically-diverse while explaining its merits.
Unfortunately, this is the point where things start to head south for Mr. Lasee. What are the "merits" of this proposal?
"There are 31 states with fewer counties than Wisconsin. Ten of those states have more people than Wisconsin."
First of all, what in the name of Oliver Wendall Holmes is Lasee trying to say? 31 states with fewer counties than Wisconsin, and 10 of those 31 have more people than Wisconsin. Well, so 18 states have more counties than Wisconsin, what if 10 of them have fewer people? Then we're still at the county/population ratio median. The JP suspects that, even if Mr. Lasee wants to assume that Wisconsin should blindly pursue the median in Federalist politics, his attempt at bolstering his argument statistically was both vain and in vain.
Unfortunately for him and the rest of Wisconsin that wants to at least pretend to have a legitimate state government, Lasee continues:
Each county runs large operations like jails, courts, landfills, highway departments and welfare services.
The bill would create a task force to look at combining counties. Some counties already have contracted with other counties for services. There are counties that have combined services through cooperative agreements.
If we continue to do things the way we have always done them, we will continue to get the same results. What I have noticed is that our government continues to grow faster than our paychecks. Us citizens are losing ground to our government. I believe combining counties could provide efficiencies and save money on major services without losing our representative government.
Hey, that almost sounds like coherent, rational justification. When I read through that part the first time, I was like hey, give me back Frank Lasee and get rid of this pod person or else I'm not going to have anything to make fun of on my blog. Things aren't that dire, though: I think Frank's arguing here for bigger government, yes? I agree wholeheartedly that it's generally more efficient to have fewer, bigger governments serving more people. I just don't think you really do, Frank, considering you're always looking to cut taxes and slash funding. Let's combine county government... and not fund them!
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