Are we gonna split hairs here?
I guess distinguishing between Longhorn fans and Sooner fans isn't exactly splitting hairs, but, well, when castration's down on the table, JP, like the dude, prefers to split.
This Texas fan didn't, though. When he walked into a bar in "Sooner Nation" sporting some Longhorn garb, he began to take some flak from Allen Michael Beckett. Beckett is a Sooner fan with a sordid employment history: "Beckett, a 53-year-old church deacon, federal auditor and former Army combat veteran..." Not only has Beckett administered two of the three human inevitabilities (death & taxes), he could also bless you, and not just when you sneeze. Anyone who spreads their values that thin is probably a stout short of a sixer.
Our unfortunately-Longhorn-garbed hero Brian Thomas started jabbering back, however, and things took a turn for the worst when Beckett started torquing Thomas' no no place:
Thomas told police that when he decided to leave and went to the bar to pay his tab, Beckett grabbed him in the crotch, pulled him to the ground and wouldn't let go, even as bar patrons tried to break it up. When the two men were separated, Thomas looked down and realized the extent of his injuries.
"He could see both of his testicles hanging on the outside of his body," said Thomas' attorney, Carl Hughes. "He was wearing a pair of white shorts, which made it that much worse."
It took more than 60 stitches to close the wound, and police interviewed Thomas at a nearby hospital emergency room.
I don't know if it's worse that Beckett was willing to engage in Abu Ghirab-esque tactics over football, or that Sooner fans fight by grabbing your nuts. Do they teach proper nut-wrenching technique in the military?
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