Like my esteemed colleague Clarince T, there was a time when the great JPS did not cherish imbibing brewskies. Now I derive all the sustenance I require by consuming the low-hanging fruits beckoning to me from the orchards of justice, but when I was knee-high to the Federal Reporters, my less-judicious friends urged me to partake in this beer. When the Old Style first touched my lips, it felt like a million 5-4 decisions had just gone against me. When I informed my comrades of the foulness of their beverage, they bade me drink another, since beer's chemical structure apparently changes depending on how many you've had. I learned an important lesson that night: Beer drinking accumulates both daily and for a lifetime; nobody loves the taste more than an old wasted chronic drunkard.
I've been on the bench since 1975, and I'd be lying if I told you I'd never snuck some ice cold refreshment into the hallowed courtroom under my robe. Before environmental cases, Kennedy even comes into the locker room with a bottle of scotch and makes all nine justices drink it neat until it's gone. He thinks it's the only way to really enjoy files that arrive at the court in a U-Haul. Me? Give me the PBR all day and all night.
6 comments:
I hear Justice Kennedy is a fan of the Buffalo Trace brand of whiskey. He makes his fellow justices get drunk and take turns reading "The buffalo trace story" on the label aloud in their best Sam Elliot voice. Good times, good times.
Well said, John Paul. I am very much looking forward to the start of next term.
Since our hallowed group had such difficulty last term coming to consensus, I propose we implement a "winner-take-all" flip cup tourney to decide those difficult cases. It it is sure to be a hit, especially with ol' Ruthie B. You know how she loves her drinking games.
Clarince T, you're not proposing replacing the current tie-breaker system of Ant choosing a number between one and 10 bajillion and giving poor ol' Souter three guesses at it, are you?
I'm sure we can figure out a way for the two to co-exist. Say, every time Souter guesses wrong, he has to do a keg stand.
We are the finest legal minds of our generation, after all. Shouldn't be to hard to figure out.
Ooooh, what about Ant-Clarince T-Sammy-Robby v. Soutdawg-JPS-Ruthie-Breyman in survivor flip cup, with AKen as the MC. I think the libs could drink those conservative bastards under the table. When we're undefeated in the last round and a sauced-up Ant has to try to beat all four of us by his lonesome, he'll regret constantly mocking my jurisprudence.
Singlehandedly playing survivor flipcup against the rest of the world is a recurring theme in my life. I'm so ready for you four Constitution-haters. Bring it on.
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