Boo hair-cutting vacuum cleaner attachment! Hooray Beer!

I like beer. A lot.

'Twas not always thus, you know. Back when I was a young'n, long before I became the strict contstructionalist powerhouse you have all come to know and admire, I had a shameful secret.

I hated beer.

I hated the smell, the taste, the way it made me feel full and gassy. I would drink it at parties because a) that's usually all there was, b) everyone else was doing it, and c) it was cheap. I would fill my cup at the keg, sip on it for hours, and when no one was looking, sandbag half of it into the bushes. I know, I know. Stone me to death with your scorn if you must, I deserve it.

In college, it was even worse. At college parties, there was generally a plethora of alternative alcohol choices, and I would always have mixed drinks. Problem is, hard liquor generally led me to make extremely poor life choices, primarily in the realm of who I decided to randomly make out with at these parties (and occasionally shamefully wake up with the next morning). Also, when I would go to bars, mixed drinks are always more expensive than beer and I drink them a lot faster. All of these factors led to dire consequences, for my life, liver, and financial solvency.

The year I graduated from college, I said to myself "Self! The time has come to dedicate intensive efforts to cultivation of an appreciation for beer! No more shall I be that freak in the corner furtively sipping on a Smirnoff Ice!"

I threw myself into the task with gusto, starting with tasteless "Lite" beers of the Bud and Miller variety, gradually moving up to local microbrews and international sensations. By the end of the summer, I had gained a deep appreciation for the joys of yeast and hops, and was sporting the beginnings of an impressive beer gut.

Then I moved to a new state that was basically the Disney World of beer. Anyone who reads this blog knows to which state I am referring. I can only imagine the dull and lifeless farce my life in this great state would have been if I had not fortuitously done advance work in Beer Appreciation 101. After 2 years in this state of beery nirvana, I am now a full-blown beer snob, and darn proud of it.

So, here in the aftermath of our Nation's birthday, I raise a glass/bottle/red plastic keg cup to our (unofficial) National Libation. Join me, won't you?

Beware 'The Canned Beer Apocalypse'